capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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