We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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