I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
