I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
