I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
