Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
