Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
