I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize