can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
