What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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