I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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