I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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