Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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