I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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