Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
