Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I touched a dick in church today
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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