"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
