WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
