tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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