Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
