Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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