How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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