What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
