Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
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He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
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I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
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