Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm just crazy horny about you
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
