I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
