i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
