You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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