Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
