Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
