I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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