yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
