The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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