He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
