It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
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She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
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I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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