i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
