I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
