Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
