My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Just pee around me
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face