i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.