i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
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it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
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PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.