I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.