i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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