so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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