the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
