i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
