im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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