Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
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Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
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Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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