This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
