would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
