thus making me awesome and them whores
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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