I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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