need another drink. this is the easiest way
how can u be prego again
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
