I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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