You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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