I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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