You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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