Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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