I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
