your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
