Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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