I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Randomize
