Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
