I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
