I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
So much rum. So many feels.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
