There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
