nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
50% drunk capacity currently
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
