I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
