I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I am naked and annoyed.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
