i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
