My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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